We cannot seek achievement for ourselves and forget about progress and prosperity for our community… Our ambitions must be broad enough to include the aspirations and needs of others, for their sakes and for our own.
– Cesar Chavez
“Happiness will never come to those who do not appreciate what they already have.”
– Gautama Buddha
The existential difficulties we on this planet are encountering today, as I’ve discussed in the past, arise out of the self-centeredness of greed, the animosity we hold toward both self and others, and our lack of true understanding of the nature of things. Those three conditions create rampant suffering – including much trauma – and our relationship with the suffering is of critical importance. How we respond to it affects literally everything because we are all interconnected. Ultimately, our entire future existence depends on the sum of human responses to suffering – what could be seen as “collective karma.” Our responses will always depend on how aware we are of the present moment, in which all suffering takes place. The deeper our awareness goes, the clearer and more consistent our aspirations.
Our habits of consumption figure extensively in our ability to aspire toward peaceful, loving attitudes. What kind of seeds do the things we consume bring to us? And how do we attract helpful seeds? It is important, in other words, to realize that what we want to accomplish is strongly correlated with what we consume. An example: If I spend every evening of my first year of marriage looking at pornography, by the end of the year, I will have consumed many images that perhaps soothed my sexual desires, but the accumulation of those inner objects will likely have created unhealthy distance between my new wife and me, making joy, honesty and intimacy much more difficult to reach. If I spend that year of evenings taking walks outdoors with my new wife, and engaging in other activities that foster closeness, something much more wholesome accumulates.
To aspire requires our making room for the seeds of aspiration to grow. Let’s look further at the three forces that block our making that room for ourselves. The first, greed, which is a word no one likes to associate with themselves, comes from our having been conditioned to think of our own needs as being more important than the needs of others. It is an attitude strongly endorsed by our capitalistic culture. I learned early on that since I alone experience everything that happens to me, what I feel is more important to me than what others feel. While we can see the logic in that, and that it even makes adaptive sense, its self-centeredness keeps us from completely committing ourselves to living for the good of all, which requires a full awareness of our interbeing.
Some examples of denial that illustrate this problem:
I just want one more “gas guzzler,” then I will move on to something more environmentally sensible. I appreciate the idea of recycling but to do it right is so tedious and they’re probably just throwing it all away anyway, so why bother? It makes sense to limit carbon emissions, but why should my country put so much into it when there are other big countries who are doing nothing? It’s hopeless, so why put in the effort? And so on…
The second barrier to full-on giving lies in the negativity we manifest toward ourselves and others. With these negative emotions – fear, envy, hatred, jealousy – we are deprived of the clear, peaceful state of mind required when complete generosity and empathy are called for. The more we learn about where these darker impulses come from and when they are triggered, the greater our control over them. We discover the healing power of forgiveness. When do you get jealous? What enrages you? When we look closely at what brings about these emotions, our understanding helps us become more skillful at stopping them before they overwhelm us. You’ve heard the now familiar question: What are your triggers?
The third thing blocking our fully realizing our finest aspirations is our not understanding how things really are. For one thing, we walk around somehow convinced that we won’t die. We “know” we will come to the end of our lives, but our surprise at aging and our issue with how quickly time passes denies the fact that everything is impermanent and all is constantly changing. When we accept that, everything becomes easier. When you reach your later years, gratitude for your life will plant seeds of lovingkindness and compassion, whereas surprise and resentment over how fast time went by, and unhappiness with how quickly we have aged plants seeds of fear and resentment.
These three barriers are not easy to get through. They can be worked on in therapy, with meditation and in relationship with those close to us. Our commitment to getting past them is a life’s work. Our efforts ultimately allow us to sow peaceful, loving seeds that help us aspire effectively toward a more giving, grateful way of living. The challenges are difficult but the rewards are more than worth the hard work and the whole world benefits.
This article is not easy. If you feel like it has opened something in you and you’d like to take it into conversation, please don’t hesitate to schedule a phone consultation with me – no charge!
