We spend so much of our time mentally correcting ourselves. So often, as we move through life, we direct judgments toward ourselves for various ways in which we disappoint ourselves for simply being the inevitably fallible humans that we must be. What does all of that judgment accomplish? Do we sleep better knowing every single way in which it appears that we’ve gone off track? How does it help us to witness the thirtieth time we criticize a particular behavior of ours? We keep bringing these judgments to ourselves because we want so much to do better, but the end result is not at all like that.
Let’s go back to childhood and recall something we did to which we responded with big negativity. (Really take a moment to bring to mind something you did that was REALLY off!) Now give yourself a few moments to recall all that happened as a result of that mistake, all the problems that originated in your own responses, the painful, disrespectful things you told yourself, the really bad feelings, shame, embarrassment, guilt, regret…
What did you learn from that mistake? If there was something you got from it, did you learn it while you were beating yourself up? Or did the lesson consolidate after you stopped self-criticism? How did your judgments affect your learning and your moving on? How did the criticism stop? Are you completely over it? In what way does it still affect you, if it does? (That one requires some thought.)
We spend so much time being negative parents to ourselves! It is done because we want to help ourselves but it brings suffering. Why not make a conscious effort to look at the other side of how we’ve lived? When we are treating ourselves with kindness, others will certainly benefit from it as well.
