On the one hand, it’s completely natural for people to want company. We are a sociable species. On the other hand, we live in a culture that imposes unhealthy and unreasonable demands on us. The message we get? “Being alone is bad and being in relationship is good.” There are, however, many exceptions to that “rule.”

First, looking at relationships dualistically like that often creates anxiety about the quality of life that waits for us after the relationship ends. The following self-statements are unbelievably common: “You blew it!” “You’re alone now and it will be awful!” “You must not be good enough to have a romantic partner!” “This pain won’t go away and you’ll never find anyone else again, loser!”

Let’s get real!

First, if your relationship ended because it was making you chronically unhappy, simple logic tells you that you did something positive for yourself. Staying with unchanging unhappiness is being a loser. Seeking better life conditions, even when it requires that you take the chance of starting over, is having strength and courage. It shows that you can and will advocate for yourself. It’s healthy to end what isn’t working.

Please share your thoughts.

More to come…

Dr. James Kraut

My passion is to help guide you if you have chosen to look profoundly into the questions of your life. My goal is to help you get to the point where your existence on this wonderful planet has become a richer, deeper, and more meaningful process. Every story is unique and I would love to learn about yours.

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